It had been thirty-four years since I had felt free. Thirty-four years since I could sit in the open air without fear of dying. The weight beneath my skin from the phantom particles inside me was gone. The sun shone through the clouds and the lone falcon flew over the mountains looming in the distance. I closed my eyes and soaked in the sun, hoping it would take away the coldness in my heart. However, that didn’t matter now. Grey lay limp and lifeless in my arms. I pressed my cheek against his temple, praying more than anything that he would wake up.

Flashes of the past twenty-four hours ran in and out of my mind. The phantoms were gone; yet, the only person I wanted to share our freedom with was gone as well. I could still feel the warmth of his palm against mine as we shared our last moments together. He has said he loved me...he loved me. Then, he was gone. I tried to hold on, but I was only holding on to his soul...his spirit.

The platform jerked and his head rolled on my shoulder. I was reminded of the time that we shared together at the academy, before I was attacked. He was always with me. He made me feel safe, and special. We were connected even before we met. I can remember waking up each morning with him beside me, his hand around my waist and head close to mine. I would always feel protected then. Now here he was, next to me, and yet I felt no safer than I did when I was alone. In truth, I was alone. Not even his inner spirit haunted his body any longer, just his skin. The connection that had once felt so strong...was gone.

My eyes stung as the realization of his death hit my heart. I pressed my lips against his cold forehead and shut my eyes tight. Tears began to run down my cheeks and drip on his shirt. It had been years since I had truly cried. I hadn’t even cried when I collected the fifth spirit, when the young girl died. The last time I had cried was when I watched the academy shrink beneath me, as I flew away from Grey for the first time. Then I had known he was alive and had hoped we would meet again. Now, he was gone forever. I pressed his head against mine and cried. However, no matter how hard I clutched his body to mine, he would never come back. Never.

The shadow of my ship soon covered us and we neared the end of our ride. I looked up to find the doctor waiting for me, hand extended. I shook my head and turned away. I needed to be alone.

"Aki," he said, his deep and raspy voice somewhat soothing. "You know there’s nothing you can do."

I didn’t look at him and I held Grey closer.

The platform shook one final time as it reached the inside of the ship. He placed his hand on my shoulder. "Aki."

"Please," I said quietly. "I need to be alone right now."

I could hear him sigh, but the echoes of his footsteps grew softer and he was soon gone. I looked back at Grey again and ran my hand over his cold face. If only there was some way, some way to bring him back. I would risk my life to find a way. Placing a hand unconsciously over my chest, I felt the plate under my shirt. It was empty now. The particles were destroyed and its purpose was useless. Even the waves that had shown so brightly inside of me were gone, spent on the phantom that stole my love.

Thoughts ran through my head on how to bring him back, all just as silly as the rest. Then it occurred to me. It was selfish of me to want to bring him back. Out of all the millions of people who had been killed, what was to set him apart from the rest? He had died a heroic and honorable death, just as many had, even his crew and friends. Still, all I could think of was his face and his last words:

"I love you."

Gritting my teeth, I pulled him close again, placing my lips against his ear. "I love you," I whispered before crying again. I kissed his cheek one last time before gently setting him on the ground. "Goodbye."

I stood up and swallowed hard. He would have wanted me to live. He would have wanted me to go on and live my life. I would live it for him. I love him, and I always would. In truth, his soul was still alive in the universe, and even in me. Maybe now, I would dream of him. That way, I would never really be alone.